So last week I stumbled on this old Patrick Holohan interview talking about his gritty training mentality. Thought, hell yeah, I’m stealing that energy for my home workouts. Dug out my dusty kettlebells and made space in the garage. Here’s how the disaster unfolded.
First morning, 5 AM alarm screaming. Dragged myself downstairs half-asleep. Fumbled with YouTube trying to find Holohan’s sparring footage. Ended up watching some grainy 2013 fight where he looked like a wet cat stuffed into shorts. Figured I’d wing it. Started swinging my kettlebell all wrong – nearly took out the washing machine.
The “Flow” Phase
Day three tried mimicking his weird stance. Feet planted wide, knees bent like a crab. Thought I looked badass until my neighbor walked past the garage window laughing. Did these awkward sprawl moves on concrete floor. Elbows got so scraped up they looked like ground beef. Still pushed through because Patrick wouldn’t quit, right?
- Foundations: Stacked old encyclopedias as makeshift weights
- Cardio hack: Ran laps around my kid’s abandoned trampoline
- Diet portion: Ate six boiled eggs daily like he mentioned in some podcast
By week two the stench was unreal. Garage smelled like sweaty hockey gear left in a dumpster. Had to keep the door open which meant mosquitos dive-bombing my face during push-ups. My wife banned me from the house till I showered – caught her spraying Febreze at my workout towel.
Cold Reality Check
Woke up last Tuesday feeling like I’d been run over by a forklift. Couldn’t lift my arms to brush teeth. Hobbled to pharmacy for painkillers. Guy behind counter took one look at me and said “Holohan fanboy?”. Turns out he trains BJJ weekends. Said I was doing everything backwards – actual fighters don’t train injured on concrete with zero mats. Showed me his knee brace from “trying dumb shit”.
Now the kettlebells gather dust again. Garage smells faintly of failure and mosquito repellent. But that egg habit stuck – made one hell of a omelette this morning. Sometimes the real lesson isn’t in the copying. It’s in admitting when you look like an idiot in your own garage.
