You know, it’s a funny thing, this life. We spend so much time getting worked up, drawing lines in the sand over stuff that, when you really get down to it, doesn’t amount to a hill of beans. I’ve been there, more times than I care to admit, especially when it comes to beliefs and how we “ought” to do things.
That Point of Friction
I remember this one phase, not too long ago, actually. I was part of a community, a good bunch of folks, really. We cared about similar big-picture things. But boy, oh boy, could we get tangled up in the small stuff. It was like everyone had their own unwritten rulebook, and if you weren’t on the same page, well, you’d feel it. Not in an outright nasty way, most of the time, but that subtle, “Hmm, that’s… interesting” kind of way. It could be about how we approached certain traditions, or even simpler things, like what was “acceptable” for a weekend activity.
Honestly, it started to wear me down. I found myself becoming more critical, more on edge, always ready to defend my own little patch of “rightness.” It wasn’t fun. It felt like walking through a minefield, trying not to say or do the “wrong” thing according to someone else’s preferences. The joy was just seeping out of our interactions.
Stumbling Over an Old Truth in New Clothes
One evening, I was just kind of doomscrolling, feeling a bit disillusioned with it all. I wasn’t even looking for answers, just distraction. And somehow, I ended up re-reading Romans 14. Now, I’d read it before, plenty of times. But this time, I pulled it up in “The Message” paraphrase. And wow. It was like someone had opened a window in a stuffy room. Eugene Peterson’s way of putting things just cut through all the religious jargon and hit me right where I lived.
It wasn’t talking about some ancient, far-off problem. It was talking about my problem, our problem. This whole business of judging each other on non-essentials, of making our personal convictions into laws for everyone else. The phrase that really got me was something like, “Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t approve of.” That just landed.
Putting It Into Practice – My Messy Attempt
So, I decided to actually try and live this out. It wasn’t some grand, overnight transformation. It was, and still is, a messy, day-by-day thing. Here’s what I started to do:
- First up: learning to keep my mouth shut. Seriously. My default was to always have an opinion, always need to correct or clarify. I had to actively practice pausing, asking myself if what I wanted to say really needed to be said, or if it was just me wanting to be “right.”
- Then, I started to actually listen. Not just waiting for a gap in the conversation to jump in, but to try and understand why someone else felt the way they did, even if I totally disagreed. What was their experience? Their reasoning?
- I began to consciously separate my preferences from core principles. This was a big one. I had to ask myself, “Is this a ‘thus saith the Lord’ situation, or is this a ‘this is how I like it’ situation?” Most of the time, it was the latter.
- I made an effort to focus on common ground. Instead of zooming in on the differences, I’d look for the things we all agreed on, the shared values. And there were always more of those than I initially thought when I was in my “critical” mode.
- I tried to be more mindful of the “weaker brother” idea. Not in a condescending way, but recognizing that some people have different sensitivities, and my “freedom” shouldn’t become a stumbling block for them. It meant sometimes choosing to hold back on something I felt was perfectly fine, just out of consideration.
The Shift, Slow but Steady
It wasn’t magic. Some people probably just thought I’d lost my spark, or maybe that I’d caved. And there were times I slipped up, got judgy, or defensive. Old habits die hard, right?
But slowly, I started to feel a change. Mostly in me. I was less stressed. I found I could enjoy people more, even when we didn’t see eye-to-eye on every little thing. The atmosphere, at least from my end, felt lighter. It turns out, not having to be the “keeper of all correctness” is actually pretty liberating.
The core message of Romans 14, especially in that plain-spoken Message version, became less like a set of rules and more like a wise friend’s advice on how to live peaceably and lovingly. It’s about building each other up, not tearing each other down over stuff that God probably doesn’t lose sleep over.
So yeah, that’s been my journey with it. It’s ongoing, for sure. I still have to catch myself. But that chapter? It’s become a real touchstone for me when things start to get a bit too… opinionated, shall we say. A good reminder to chill out and focus on what really counts.
