That Damn Neck Thing
So yeah, felt like my neck decided to become a piece of old wood after sleeping wrong or whatever. Total stiff board situation. Remembered this Uruguay neck injury article title floating in my feeds ages ago. Figured, why not? Desperate times.
Googled that exact title “Exercises for Uruguay Neck Injury: Try 7 Safe Rehabilitation Moves”. Found some site. Scrolled down quick. Saw the moves. Looked easy enough. Like, how hard could bending your head be? Spoiler: Harder than it looks.
Got onto the floor. Lying flat. Felt stupid immediately. Here goes nothing.
The Moves I Tried (And Mostly Failed At)
Started simple. Move one: Chin Tucks. Supposed to pull my chin straight back like a turtle hiding? Yeah. Tried it. Felt more like cracking my skull into my spine. Awkward pinch right there. Did like five. Stopped.
Move two: Side Bends. Head to shoulder, slow and steady they said. More like head to cement block. Left side? Barely moved an inch before fireworks went off near my collarbone. Right side? Slightly less terrible. Okay, maybe this one’s okay. Did three each side. Called it a win.
Move three: Gentle Rotation. Turning head side to side, easy peasy right? WRONG. Turned left. Felt like rusty gears grinding. FROZE halfway. Had to use my damn hand to help turn it back. Yeah, gentle my ass. Abandoned ship on that one fast.
Move four: Shoulder Rolls. Sat up for this. Rolled shoulders back. Felt okay actually! Like releasing some pressure. Did ten slow circles. Then shoulders said NOPE about circle six. Tightened right back up. Fake progress.
Move five: Scap Squeeze. Sat taller. Tried squeezing my shoulder blades together like holding a pencil between them. Squeezed. Felt… nothing. Squeezed harder. Still felt like trying to crack a walnut with wet paper. Annoying. Gave up after seven squeezes.
Move six: Isometric Neck Flex. Hands on forehead. Push head forward while hands push back. Battle against myself. Felt ridiculous. Held it for five seconds. Neck muscles yelled louder. STOP DOING THIS. Stopped immediately.
Move seven: Just Relaxing. The article finished with “just rest dude”. Finally. Something I can nail. Lay flat. Tried not to move. Thought about my life choices. Why am I trusting random Uruguary articles? Neck still felt like garbage.
How It Turned Out
Finished the whole list? Nope. Lasted maybe 15 minutes total. Got off the floor feeling:
- More aware of the stiffness
- Slightly pissed at the article
- Like maybe one or two moves didn’t actively make it worse
Next morning? Neck felt maybe 2% less like concrete? Or maybe I was just hopeful. Who knows. Probably should just see a real person about it instead of trusting random safe moves from the internet. Lesson learned, sorta. Still hurts though. Good luck to anyone trying this Uruguary stuff. Tread carefully.
