So last Tuesday, I’m watching Steph drain another ridiculous three-pointer, and suddenly that bright blue thing in his mouth catches my eye. Got me thinking – my old sports mouth guard was basically a $2 hockey puck I used to chew on, probably doing zip. Figured it was time for a serious upgrade, try what the MVP uses. Or at least, something inspired by him.
Buying the Dang Thing
Went straight to the local sporting goods store after the game. Wandered around looking lost near the baseball mitts until a bored teenager pointed me towards the mouth guard section. Wall full of options! Grabbed one from the brand Steph supposedly uses, though let’s be real, it ain’t the same custom job he’s got. Mine came in a little plastic case like a cheap retainer. Popped it open – felt weirdly sturdy, kinda flexible but thick.
First Attempts & Feeling Like a Goof
Took it home, washed it off like the package said. Then came the fun part: molding it to my weird teeth. Boiled water like the instructions yelled at me to do, dropped the guard in for a minute, then fished it out FAST. Thing was scalding hot! Dropped it right into cold water for a sec – probably messed up the timing, but whatever. Stuck it in my mouth, bit down HARD like I was trying to crush rocks. Used my fingers to smoosh the back against my gums. Lots of drool, felt awkward as heck standing over the sink. Held it while counting to thirty, praying I wouldn’t burn my tongue. Spit it out, ran cold water over it… and voila! Looks kinda like my teeth, kinda. Stuck it in to walk around the house. So. Much. Drooling. Talked to the cat – sounded like I had a sock stuffed in my mouth. Felt ridiculous. But hey, Steph rocks it, right?
Taking it For a Spin (Literally)
Real test: Sunday night basketball with the guys. Popped the guard in before leaving. Drive to the court… guard felt huge, kept making me gag slightly. Seriously considered leaving it in the car. But then I remembered Gary last month catching an elbow and spitting out half a tooth. Shoved it back in. First half playing? Hated it. Breathing felt weird, thick drool building up, kept sucking air around it. Trying to yell “Switch!” sounded like “Swithhh!” Got some weird looks. One fast break, I went up for a layup, got bumped kinda hard, lost balance and jammed my own elbow into my own jaw. Slammed shut like a bear trap. That’s when it clicked.
That solid “thunk” when my teeth clamped down? Felt like biting down on hard rubber. Zero pain. Zero rattle. Zero worry about chipped teeth. Just… absorbed the hit. Suddenly, the drool and funny talk didn’t seem so bad. Played the rest of the game actually forgetting it was there sometimes.
Why It’s Actually Worth the Hassle (My Takeaways)
- Stops Teeth Smashing: That elbow-to-jaw moment was proof. My old guard was like chewing bubblegum, this felt like armor. Teeth stayed happy.
- Helps with Unexpected Snacking: You know when you trip? Or get bumped mid-air? Mouth snaps shut hard. With a good guard? Less chance of biting your tongue or cheek. Minor win, but hey.
- Less Chance of Losing Teeth (Obviously): Duh. But seeing Steph take those hard falls over the years? His smile stays perfect. That fancy plastic absorbs the impact way better than my teeth alone could.
- You Get Used to It (Sort Of): Okay, you won’t win a poetry contest with it in. Breathing takes effort. But after that hit? The comfort knowing your teeth aren’t exposed? Worth the muffled trash talk.
So yeah. Was skeptical. Felt weird. Drooled a ton. But after one hard bump where my teeth didn’t feel like they were rattling in my skull? I get why Steph chews on that thing. It’s not magic, it’s just seriously thick, custom-ish plastic doing its job. Won’t play hoops without it now. Stop smiling weirdly when I wear it, Gary, your tooth is still missing.
