Getting My Butt Kicked in Elden Ring – Again
So I see Kai Cenat wrecking fools on stream with his setup, right? Looks flashy as hell. Figured screw it, lemme copy his moves. Grabbed those stupidly heavy armor pieces he uses. Leveled strength like crazy. Wanted that big bonk energy with the Guts sword thing.
Took me forever to haul this gear, man. Farming runes near that beast guy you cheese early. Felt like pushing a truck uphill just to swing the damn sword. Finally got the stats. Felt tanky! Thought I was the king. Charged into Stormveil like “Who’s next?”
Got humbled. FAST. Those stupid birds with knives? Forget dodging. My fat-roll turned me into a pancake every time. That one knight with the stomp move? Bashed through my shield like paper. Used all my flask charges before even seeing Godrick. Kai makes it look easy! Guess my fingers ain’t built like that.
Trying Stuff What Actually Works (For Me)
Okay, rage quit. Uninstalled? Nah. Just deleted that big idiot. Started fresh. Tried some other builds people talk about:
- The Poke & Run (Samurai Dex): Light armor, katana. Slash fast, run away. Actually dodged stuff! Felt good sneaking hits… until something breathed fire. Then back to square one.
- The Wizard Laser Beam (Magic Spam): Found a rock sling spell. Pew pew pew from miles away. Enemies die without touching you? Genius! Then something got close. I got squished like a bug. Zero defense. Scary.
- The Sneaky Bleed Guy (Dex/Arcane): Found these weird curved swords that make stuff bleed. Attacks fast, makes health bars chunk down wild quick. Awesome… against some things. Other things? No bleed, no luck. Felt useless.
Still dying a lot, but at least I could move. Felt way better than that heavy garbage.
The Messy Experiment
Gotta be honest. Started mixing crap. Keep the dex to move decently. Threw in just enough faith for that one fireball spell – super handy for trolls who hate fire. Kept a smaller, faster sword for trash mobs, but swapped to Kai’s big stupid sword sometimes… when I knew I could land that one big hit safely.
It ain’t pretty. It ain’t optimized. Definitely not Kai’s “one-shot everything” dream. But you know what? This lazy thing actually gets me through bosses now. I’m nimble enough to dodge the bad stuff, poke when it’s safe, and yeah, sometimes I get lucky and the fireball hits just right or the bleed kicks off. Mostly, I survive. I win. Eventually.
Verdict? Kai’s build rocks… if you’re Kai. For regular folks who suck at timing rolls? You suffer more than the bosses do. Mix up your own lazy garbage. It might suck slightly less. That’s the real Elden Ring experience.
