Alright so this morning I’m chuggin’ coffee scrolling through Twitter when BAM – see the news Heston Kjerstad’s gettin’ called up by the Orioles. My first thought? Man, they must really be desperate or maybe someone finally gave Hyde some coffee too. Figured I’d jot down how I dug into this mess.
My Dumb Morning Routine
Woke up late per usual. Phone buzzin’ like crazy – notifications blowin’ up bout some guy named Kjerstad. First reaction? Who dis? Honestly forgot the Orioles even had this dude after all his health stuff. Choked on my coffee when I saw “promoted”. Jumped straight to MLB dot com but nah, their site’s slower than my grandpa’s dial-up. Headed straight to the bird app instead – folks were goin’ nuts.
Diggin’ Thru The Noise
Pulled up three tabs at once like some kinda stock trader:
1) Fan forums – crazy people scream “FINALLY!” or “WORST CALL EVER DUDE”
2) Beat reporter tweets – actual realish news thank god
3) Norfolk Tides stats page – cause I ain’t got all his numbers memorized
Took forever to compare his AAA numbers to Mountcastle’s… kept mixing up their spray charts like a doofus. Pro tip: don’t try comparing stats on two hours sleep.
Ballpark Recon Mission
Ditched my afternoon plans – drove straight to Camden Yards. Sat upper deck behind left field with binoculars like some creep scout. Saw Hyde shuffling outfielders like poker chips. Kjerstad looked… well kinda lost honestly? Couple hard hit balls but also some shaky fielding. Saw him miss a cutoff man bad – dude next to me yelled “Welcome to the bigs rookie!” Felt that.
Got home still confused so I checked:
Austin Hays’ slump numbers (oof)
Cowser’s last fifteen games (double oof)
Front office interviews (triple word salad oof)
Crystal clear now! They got nobody else. Mike Elias is basically throwing pasta at the wall seeing if Kjerstad sticks.
What This Actually Means
Here’s the ugly truth folks:
- Orioles’ “future” is right now. Competitive window’s open and guys ain’t producing
- Kjerstad ain’t saving nobody. He’s another lottery ticket
- This mess proves their vaunted prospect depth ain’t playoff-ready yet
My take? Don’t get hyped. Dude raked in minors sure but big league pitching eats prospects for breakfast. Saw him swing at three straight sliders low n outside today. Painful to watch.
Anyway that’s my circus for today. Went from confused to more confused. Typical Orioles baseball baby. Doubt Kjerstad sticks around long unless he suddenly becomes Babe Ruth overnight. Whatever happens – gonna be hilarious watching this train wreck.
