Alright so yesterday went down to this fancy French bakery near Le Marais right? Figured I’d grab a croissant but ended up getting a whole lesson in etiquette instead. Wild how that happens sometimes.
The Setup
Walked in around 10am, tiny place smelling like butter heaven. Only three people ahead of me but this woman in a sharp blazer just elbows past everyone straight to the counter. Didn’t even say “pardon”! The French dude behind me literally hissed air through his teeth like a deflating tire. Clerk froze mid-“bonjour” staring at Blazer Lady.
The Facepalm Moment
Here’s where I messed up big time. Leaned over and said loud enough for Blazer Lady to hear: “Man, some people got no manners huh?” Entire shop went silent. Like drop-a-needle silent. Clerk stopped making eye contact with me completely. Blazer Lady shot me this icy look like I spat in her espresso. Felt my neck burning. Whoops.
Damage Control
Grabbed my phone pretending to check messages while sweat pooled under my collar. Realized three things fast:
- French hate public confrontations
- Pointing out rudeness is ruder than rudeness itself here
- My tourist sneakers screamed “clueless foreigner”
Got to the counter feeling like a dumb tomato. Clerk thawed a bit when I started with “Je suis désolé…” but kept it short. Paid extra for the awkwardness tax (aka three extra macarons).
What Actually Works
After choking down pride and pastries, asked my neighbor Pierre later. Dude laughed till he cried. His cheat sheet:
- Freeze them out – just stop interacting completely
- Slight eyebrow raise + head tilt says everything
- “Excusez-moi?” in flat tone works better than yelling
Tested it today when someone cut in line at pharmacie. Did the Pierre Special: locked eyes -> paused -> raised one eyebrow. Lady actually mumbled “pardon” and slunk to the back! Felt like James Bond in a cardigan.
Lesson burned into my brain now: French politeness is all about the silent treatment. Also should’ve bought more macarons. Those were damn good.
