Okay so yesterday I was tryna roll up after work, right? But I couldn’t find my damn stuff anywhere. Tore apart my whole damn desk – papers flying, pencils snapping, spilled coffee everywhere. Checked under the couch cushions three times like a crazy person. That blunt wrap package was straight up vanished. And my favorite glass cup? Gone. Like, how the hell does this keep happening?
The Hunt Phase
Started retracing my steps like a detective. Dumped my backpack upside down – notebooks, half-eaten protein bars, old receipts raining down. Nada. Checked the kitchen counter behind the instant pot, even though I ain’t cooked since Tuesday. Jack shit. Then I remembered – smacked my forehead so hard it left a mark – last night I was organizing the tool shelf in the garage. Stupidass me musta put my stash there.
Trudged out to the garage, knee-deep in dusty Amazon boxes. Saw it immediately:
- My Swisher package chilling next to rusty wrenches
- The cup sitting ON TOP of the goddamn table saw
- Lighter rolled underneath a paint can like it was hiding
Felt equal parts relief and rage. Who puts smokables beside power tools? Me, apparently.
Proper Usage Rules I Learned Hard Way
After rescuing my gear from the danger zone, time for damage control:
- Grind check: Opened the Swisher pack – dry as desert sand. Had to steam that bitch over the kettle for 3 minutes
- Glass sanitizing: That cup reeked like sawdust. Boiled water + baking soda scrub while muttering curses
- Workstation lockdown: Cleared actual workspace on my desk. Put rubber bands around gear so they don’t wander off
Test run went smooth once everything was properly conditioned. Key takeaways? Never reorganize when zooted. If you must, put your smokables in a bright red goddamn box so you can spot ’em.
This whole mess reminded me why I got my med card last year. Was chilling at Dave’s place that time – same deal. Spent 40 minutes hunting his bong while he swore we were robbed. Turned out his girlfriend put it in the fridge because “it looked dirty”. Protip: Label your shit “DO NOT TOUCH” with Sharpie if you live with neat freaks. Anyway, blunts stayed permanently in my car glovebox for months after that fiasco till I found this system. Moral of the story? Stash spots only work if you remember where the fuck you put them.
