Alright so this morning I was scrolling through health forums – don’t laugh, I’m getting old and my joints creak – when this idea about women’s bath routines popped up. Looked simple enough: hot water, maybe some salts, total zen mode. Skeptical at first cause my last “relaxing” bath ended with me answering work emails.
The Starting Struggle
First thing: my tub looked like a crime scene. Kids’ rubber ducks everywhere, some suspicious green gunk near the drain. Grabbed bleach spray and paper towels – scrubbed till my arms burned. Lesson one: actually prepare the stupid bathtub before trying to relax. Who knew?
Gathering Stuff Messily
Ransacked my cabinets:
- Found ancient Epsom salt – expired in 2020 but smelled okay
- Hijacked wife’s lavender oil bottle (she glared at me)
- Stole some rose petals from her fancy soap gift set (more glaring)
- Burned two fingers testing water temp
Almost abandoned the mission when I dropped the salt box everywhere. Crunchy floor for days.
The Actual Attempt
Stepped into scalding water. Yelped. Adjusted faucet with my toes for five minutes. Finally submerged – but left knee sticking out cause tub’s too small. Poured oil like a caveman: half splashed onto tiles, soapy mess later. Petals stuck to my back like sad confetti.
Tried relaxing. Brain wouldn’t shut up:
“Did you pay the gas bill?”
“Why’s that ceiling stain shaped like South Dakota?”
Counted tiles till I got dizzy.
But around minute twelve? Weird shift happened. Heat crept into knotted muscles. Lavender mixed with steam. Stopped noticing the ceiling stain. Shoulders sank lower than my motivation at Monday meetings.
The Unpromised Perks
Stumbled out all pruny and drowsy. Two things shocked me:
- My chronic lower back ache faded to background static
- Passed out immediately for the first time in months
Woke up with rose petals in my hair but zero regrets.
No magical cure-all. Still hate scrubbing the tub. But that heavy-dragging-feet-through-mud exhaustion? Lighter now. Like my body hit a reset button buried under rubber ducks and expired bath salts. Might even take over laundry duty today. Maybe.
