Was cleaning the garage last Tuesday when my brother texts me this video – Shawn Bradley swatting shots like flies in his prime. Got curious, y’know? Always thought modern guys like Gobert were better. Dropped everything, hauled my dusty laptop to the kitchen counter right then.
My Messy Deep Dive Starts
Cranked open YouTube, searched “Shawn Bradley blocks 90s”. Grabbed cold pizza, started clicking. First thing hit me: the man moved like a drunk giraffe running. But holy hell, the timing. Rewound that Mutombo swat five times – how’d he know to spin right when the ball left fingertips? Needed better angles.
Dug up old NBA League Pass archives at 2 AM. Wife yelled at me for the blue screen light. Realized something weird watching 1997 Rockets games. Hakeem would fake, defenders jumped, but Bradley? That pale stick just stood there arms up. Like a damn telephone pole. Players kept bouncing shots off his stupid long arms. Stats backed it too – most blocks weren’t chase-downs. Guys straight up shot into his wingspan.
- Telephone Pole Trick: Barely left his feet, just reached over heads.
- No Fly Zone: Guards actually avoided driving when he camped near the rim.
- Psych Out Move: That creepy slow-mo wave before free throws? Rattled shooters bad.
Why Modern Bigs Ain’t Doing This
Tried sketching it Wednesday. Drew stick figures post-it notes. Current coaches want “versatile” defenders switching screens. Bradley? Screw versatility. He parked under the basket like an ugly oak tree they couldn’t cut down. Rules changed too. Hand-checking? He’d foul out in five minutes now. Back then they let him whack wrists like lumberjacks.
Thursday I dragged hubby to the community court. Made him drive while I stood paint. Felt ridiculous. Couldn’t touch his layups unless I jumped early. Hurt my knee stumbling. Bradley’s 7’6″ frame let him screw up the timing and still recover. Stupid genetics.
Wrapped it up Friday pissed off. My takeaway? Being a specialist beats all-rounded crap sometimes. Today everyone wants unicorns doing step-back threes. Bradley knew his one weird trick: being tall. NBA overcomplicated it. Oh, and management fired me from that high school assistant job in ’05 for teaching kids to stand like statues near the hoop. Said it was “outdated.” Who’s outdated now, idiots?
