Alright so last night I was scrolling through wrestling forums, right? Saw this huge flame war about who’s actually the WWE GOAT. Everybody yelling “Stone Cold!” “Cena!” “Hogan!” like it’s obvious. Figured hey, why not actually put this crap to the test myself? Just grab a beer and dive deep.
Starting The Mess
First thing? Had to pick who even gets on the list. Went straight for the usual suspects:
- Hulk Hogan: Old school, red and yellow, basically put wrestling on TV.
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: Rattlesnakes, beer trucks, middle fingers. Attitude Era god.
- The Rock: People’s Eyebrow, electrifying, went full Hollywood later.
- John Cena: Hustle, loyalty, respect guy. Champ forever. Never goes away.
- Undertaker: Deadman, Streak, scary presence for 30 damn years.
- Ric Flair: Woooo! Dripping gold, limousines, jet-flyin’. NWA legend too.
Figured that’s the main crew. Skipped some newer guys, gotta be honest. Legends only for this GOAT hunt.
Getting Stuck Real Quick
Tried to make a spreadsheet. Epic fail. How do you even compare this? Hogan ruled the 80s like no one else, but his matches? Kinda basic looking back. Austin had the whole world chanting “What?!” every week, but his time on top was shorter. And Rock? Dude was fire on the mic, but dipped out for movies just as things peaked.
Got into championship reigns. Pulled up some stats. Spilled coffee on my notes.
- Hogan: 6-time champ? But long reigns.
- Cena: 16 freaking times! But some fans hated him half that time.
- Flair: Claims 16? World titles? Who even counts them right? Messy.
Impact!? Hogan and Austin changed wrestling forever. Rock turned it into pop culture. Cena was the company man carrying it for years. Taker’s Streak was WrestleMania itself for decades. Ric Flair was Ric Flair everywhere, forever. Totally different kinds of impact!
The Late Night Watch Party
Decided to watch matches. Old Hogan promo: cheesy, crowd went wild. Stone Cold vs Bret Hart: legit changed everything. Rock vs Austin at Mania 17: pure magic. Undertaker vs Mankind Hell in a Cell: insane crap nobody should do. Flair vs Steamboat: technical beauty. Cena vs Punk: raw emotion.
Sat there at 2 AM realizing this is impossible. Every single one brought something totally different. Hogan’s charisma, Austin’s rebellion, Rock’s entertainment, Cena’s consistency, Taker’s presence, Flair’s style. Like trying to decide between pizza and tacos for “best food ever.”
The Messy Conclusion
Bottom line? There ain’t one GOAT. It’s a useless fight. What matters most?
- Drawing power? Hogan, Austin clear.
- Longevity? Taker, Flair, Cena.
- Match quality? Flair, HBK (who I forgot!), Bret.
- Global crossover? Rock stands alone.
It just depends on what you care about. All these guys changed the game in their own way. Comparing them directly is like smashing apples into oranges. You just get sticky fruit salad.
My “deep analysis” ended with me yelling at the screen during a Flair promo. That’s wrestling, I guess. No real answers, just more yelling. But at least I watched some damn good matches trying to figure it out.
